Connect and be fed

Tonight I am driving an hour to go make dinner for someone. I have food prepped and ready. The grill is set up and waiting. And I am nervous. I’m not nervous because I’m preparing food. I’m a pretty good cook and generally feel comfortable in the kitchen–or at the grill. I’m nervous because I am preparing food in someone else’s space. For them. (I can’t remember the last time I agreed to do this. No, really. I can’t remember.)

Over the last few years, I have been focused on feeding myself. Feeding myself in every way. What does it take to feel satiated? What nourishment does my body need? What about my mind? My heart?

I’ve learned about the need for rest, for quiet, meditation and calm.
I’ve learned about the need for time in nature, hiking in the mountains, swimming in lakes, rivers, oceans, and cycling through fields on the country roads near home.
I’ve learned about heartbreak.
I’ve learned about recovery.
I’ve learned about the comfort of my own home, the safe haven I’ve created.
I’ve learned about letting dishes pile up.
I’ve learned about hand-mopping floors almost religiously.
I’ve learned about the need for travel.
I’ve learned about asking for what I need.
I’ve learned about asking for what I want.
I’ve learned about the support and love offered freely by many.
I’ve learned about the feeling of shutting people out.
I’ve learned about the feeling of letting people in.
I’ve learned about boundaries and blurred edges.
I’ve learned how little I truly know.

But this I do know: Relationships matter. People matter in my world. And once I recognized and owned that I am driven by relationships, it was time to redesign my life.

A desire to connect runs through everything.

I have a coaching client who once said that connection was one of her primary goals. In every area of her life, she realized that she made choices hoping to gain connection, deepen existing connections, create meaningful moments of connection. And I could relate. She brilliantly mirrored back to me my own desire for connection.

So back to tonight and my plans. Yes. I feel nervous. But what if I re-frame the nervousness? What if I view it as excitement? I’m excited by the possibility of connection in a new context. I’m nearly bursting with joy, recognizing the potential of the experience. I take a deep breath–in and out. Shoulders drop. My mouth and eyes smile.

Tonight is an adventure, an opportunity to share an experience. I get to feed a beautiful person. I get to share a meal, conversation, my vulnerability as I venture out of my comfort zone and into theirs.

And that is how I open myself to connection. To relationship. To being well fed.

Connect and be fed. 

Tonight’s menu:

Local grass fed steak
Grilled veggies (zucchini, peppers, onions)
Simple green salad
And “the light of a bottle of intelligent wine” will grace our table.

What will you do today to be satiated, nourished, fed?


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